I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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