I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
