There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
