yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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