hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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