I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
