Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
