and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
