At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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