Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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