i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
