i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
