i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
