next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
