you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
