I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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