I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
