an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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