If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Say something about gay babies.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
