i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
