So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
