I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
