ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
