I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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