We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
