dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
