Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
