Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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