i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
