I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just puked most of my soul out..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
