similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
