They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
