So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
