it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
