I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
