So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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