her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
