bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
