i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
