the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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