I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
