Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
