i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
