dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
