i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
