Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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