Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
