So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
