So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
