are you still at the devil's house?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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